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Mickey is currently offline Mickey
Messages: 1653
Registered: May 2011


Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50946Mon, 23 March 2020 17:43  Go to next message

Need a laugh? Here's my contribution...

I told the missus not to panic buy, but when I got home I found Andy Carroll in the kitchen...😆

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Nigel L

Administrator
Messages: 1430
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50948 is a reply to message 50946Tue, 24 March 2020 08:59  Go to previous messageGo to next message

Not a joke, but amusing nevertheless ....
https://twitter.com/BarnBcfc/status/1242193835628822532

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Bob Perry is currently offline Bob Perry
Messages: 1940
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50949 is a reply to message 50948Tue, 24 March 2020 16:43  Go to previous messageGo to next message

Bloke walks out of the pub, after a few pints, and wobbles as the fresh air hits him.
Old lady passing says " are you ok dear?"
Man "yes just feeling a bit dizzy"
Old lady "have you got vertigo?"
Man "No I only live just round the corner"

Two cows in the field. One goes Moooo the other say that's spooky, I was just going to say that!

Just reaching for my coat!




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Tom Bowen is currently offline Tom Bowen
Messages: 115
Registered: April 2019


Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50952 is a reply to message 50949Tue, 24 March 2020 22:20  Go to previous messageGo to next message

The Lord said to John, "Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"

John came fifth and won a toaster.


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Art is currently offline Art
Messages: 98
Registered: June 2011
Location: Farnborough



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50954 is a reply to message 50952Wed, 25 March 2020 01:26  Go to previous messageGo to next message

4 blonds walk into a bar,


You would have thought one of them would have seen it. :)

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Bob Perry is currently offline Bob Perry
Messages: 1940
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50960 is a reply to message 50954Thu, 26 March 2020 14:39  Go to previous messageGo to next message

Man walking down Oxford Street throwing sand in to the road.
Next man " What's that for?"
First man "Keeping the Alligators away"
Other man " There's no Alligators around for about 2000 miles"
1st man "yeah Good stuff innit?"


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Golden is currently offline Golden
Messages: 449
Registered: December 2012
Location: North Hampshire


Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50967 is a reply to message 50960Thu, 26 March 2020 21:48  Go to previous messageGo to next message

Four people in a plane which was in difficulties.
The Irish Premier, Boris Johnson, the Pope and a school girl.
There are only three parachutes.

The Irish Premier said that he was needed to organise Ireland's response to the coronavirus contagion so he jumped with one of the
parachutes.

Boris Johnson said that he was the smartest man in the UK and as Prime Minister it was his responsibility to defend the UK against the coronavirus and followed the Irish Premier out of the plane.

The Pope told the school girl that he was an old man and should let the school girl take the last parachute.

The school girl said "it is ok as there are still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the UK just took my school satchel."

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Hawley Boot Boy
Messages: 589
Registered: June 2011


Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50970 is a reply to message 50967Fri, 27 March 2020 09:53  Go to previous messageGo to next message

Graham Westley: Gotta laugh at that joke haven't you...
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Nigel L

Administrator
Messages: 1430
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50972 is a reply to message 50967Fri, 27 March 2020 10:15  Go to previous messageGo to next message

I've heard the variant where Donald Trump, Leo Varadkar, Angela Merkel and a schoolboy are the passengers.
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Tom Bowen is currently offline Tom Bowen
Messages: 115
Registered: April 2019


Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50973 is a reply to message 50972Fri, 27 March 2020 10:26  Go to previous messageGo to next message

I'll tell you the best thing about going to Switzerland.
Having a flag like theirs is a big plus.

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Bob Perry is currently offline Bob Perry
Messages: 1940
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50975 is a reply to message 50973Fri, 27 March 2020 10:48  Go to previous messageGo to next message

You are Tim Vine, and I claim my £5 prize!
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Nigel L

Administrator
Messages: 1430
Registered: May 2011



Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50980 is a reply to message 50975Sat, 28 March 2020 00:22  Go to previous messageGo to next message

A below the line comment on a newspaper site after Boris Johnson announced that he'd tested positive ....

"At least Raab will be immune, unless the virus jumps the species barrier again."

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Between The Sticks is currently offline Between The Sticks
Messages: 314
Registered: June 2011


Re: Humour appeal. Give generously!   Message 50981 is a reply to message 50980Sun, 29 March 2020 14:40  Go to previous message

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

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